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Cersei Lannister, final draft

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Well it didn't come out perfectly...but what does?

So, here's a humorous Cersei-themed anecdote for you, if you dare. It contains shocking betrayal, daring chase scenes, and partial nudity.

*

Earlier this summer I had occasion to be on a farm, in the middle of nowhere, with two good friends. In the wee hours of the morning and under a glorious full moon, we were doing what any sensible twenty-somethings would do: riding around like hooligans on a utility vehicle.

After a few laps around the property, my companions realized that I had been habitually manipulating our conversation to deflect criticism of my person...and that I had been doing it all weekend. They UNJUSTLY decided that I should to be stripped naked and thrown into the pond as punishment. As I had CLEARLY done NOTHING to deserve such treatment, I respectfully chose to abstain; but my friends could not be deterred. So it was that I found myself thrown in the back of a Gator, having my clothing torn off in the middle of a field in Maryland, while the stars looked on in cold indifference.

Being a woman of fiery disposition, I refused to go into that dark...water. I raged, RAGED! The bastards got both shoes, a shirt, and a hat off of me before I wrenched free of their clutches and went diving into the shadow of some nearby shrubberies. While they scrambled to follow on the Gator, I raced through marshy grass on woolen-besocked feet to a clump of pines on a neighboring farm. I shimmied up a tree, covering my exposed abdomen in pine sap and needle crust to wait out the search.

I managed to hide there for a solid fifteen minutes until the whickering of nearby horses gave away my position. Facing the headlights of the Gator (and immediate exposure to my cruel, cruel comports) I decided to make a stand. I dropped down from the tree, spitting like a wild cat, and began to charge the Gator, shrieking "I WILL HAVE YOUR HEADS FOR THIS!! I AM THE QUEEN!! I'LL TEACH YOU TO CAGE A LION!!"

I didn't end up in the water, naturally. Unlike Cersei, I am a legit badass.

*

Cersei Lannister,
from George R. R. Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire"
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744x991px 439.05 KB
© 2008 - 2024 Lauren-Oh
Comments11
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Thejboy88's avatar
A baddass you are indeed. Though I must say that the weord "badass" is not one I'd ever associate with Cersei. Plotter, backstabber, cold, cruel. All these things yes. But never badass.